Sexy Voice = Sexy Looks?

It seems people don't just take physical looks into consideration when concluding if a potential mate is hot or not. In a recent study published in The Journal of Nonverbal Behavior (gee, that sounds like an exciting read) Susan Hughes found a strong correlation between what's considered a "sexy voice" and a physically attractive person.

"The sound of a person's voice reveals a considerable amount of biological information," said Hughes, an evolutionary psychologist from Albright College in Reading, Pa. "It can reflect the mate value of a person."

100 individuals listened to voice samples and rated them on nine traits: approachability, dominance, healthiness, honesty, intelligence, likelihood to get dates, maturity, sexiness and warmth.

Interestingly, the voices that rated the highest generally were considered attractive for their respective sex. Men were broad-shouldered and had lean hips, the women had hourglass figures. The sexy voice champs from both sexes also had very attractive faces (symmetrical).

Participants also agreed about certain vocal attributes that they found attractive (i.e. men found breathy voices sexy). But when Hughes analyzed her voice samples using a sophisticated computer program, she was unable to pinpoint the actual patterns of sexiness. In other words, the human ear was able to discern what's hot, while the computer couldn't find any technical reason why.

I'm skeptical of this study. I know plenty of people that look attractive, but have horrible voices. Also, there are lots of ugly people that sound incredible on the phone. When I was in high school, I worked at a marketing research firm and did telephone surveys. There was one guy that always ended up with the most completed surveys, night after night. His voice was deep and smooth like velvet. If you heard it, it would make you stop. But after you turned the corner and looked into his cubicle, you would see a guy that made John Belushi look like Brad Pitt.

Plus, think about all of those radio personalities. Ever see pictures of your favorite host or DJ after listening to their sexy voice for years? Talk about a ruined fantasy. That's where that old saying "you have the face for radio" comes from.

You're No Mariah Houston!

I'm a big fan of karaoke. I love doing it...and I'm happy to report that I have never been booed off the stage. Generally speaking, however, getting a bunch of drunk people to sing their favorite tunes into a microphone can be a scary experience.

There seems to be two philosophies among those that cannot carry a tune: those that know they suck and those that think they are the second coming of Clay Aiken.

So, are there people out there that are just naturally tone deaf? Even with proper training, can they learn to sing on key? Researchers at the University of Finance and Management in Warsaw and University of Montreal decided to get to the bottom of this. They asked more than 150 people to sing a very familiar song - like "Happy Birthday." Then they had another group sing a note after hearing it from an instrument.

What they found was pretty astonishing.

More than 90% could sing in tune. The identified two types of bad singers: those that are completely tone deaf. They sing terribly and can't discern the correct note they hear from an instrument. The other group can easily tell if a note is off key, but can't sing properly - they are tone mute.

Regardless of singing ability, there are tons of "artists" that have made it big in the music industry despite having terrible singing voices. Here are my personal top five:

5) J-Lo. She's gorgeous, she could dance, and her perfume was probably OK. But when she had to sing live with her hubby, Marc Anthony, it became obvious that she really cannot sing.

4) Tom Petty. How does a guy who sings like he's got a mouthful of everlasting gobstoppers sell so many albums? The dude has an awful voice. Why oh why did he sing at the last Superbowl?

3) Britney Spears. She's a trainwreck, and before K-Fed, she was so cute. Ever hear what she sounds live? It'll make your ears bleed.

2) Chris Martin of Coldplay. Many of you will disagree because they have a hot single on the Billboard Charts right now. But be objective and listen to his voice. He often sings in falsetto - and it's not very good. At other times, it sounds like his moaning in his sleep. What do you expect from a guy that thinks Amy Winehouse is the best singer in the world?

1) Bob Dylan. I've had sounds come out of my butt that sounded better than this guy's voice. I know he wrote powerful lyrics - I will not disagree. But he sounds like one of those hair clippers at the barbershop. Listening to his voice reminds me of the sound some kid in my 5th grade gym class made after his nuts got rocked from a line drive. He might be the voice of his generation, but his generation spent most of their days in an incoherent stupor.

Hot Bot To Trot...A Solution For Lonley Guys

You're a lonley, desperate Japanese guy...and you're striking out with the ladies. What do you do?

Try porn?
An escort service?
Become a priest?

Nope. Just buy the Eternal Maiden Actualization - or E.M.A. robot - to fulfill your every fantasy.

Manufactured by Sega Toys, E.M.A. might stand only 15 inches tall, but she's programmed to please. For a mere $175 USD, she can go into "love mode" and give her owner a tender kiss. "She's very lovable and though she's not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend," says said Minako Sakanoue, a spokeswoman for Sega Toys.

Oh, so it also has a "nag mode?"

E.M.A. is designed with all the womanly curves any man lusts after, and she walks like Marilyn Monroe with specially designed hip joints.

Sega has very high expectations for E.M.A., forcasting sales of 10,000 units from September until next year.

I was going to ask if E.M.A. has a USB port, but I think I'll just refrain from that one...

Plastic cleavage is HOT!