Head of the Class...NOT!

I was a high school teacher for five years, and I received my fair share of bogus, stupid, funny, and downright creative answers from my students. Science can be a tough subject for a lot of kids, and I imagine that science exams might be more conducive to getting even MORE creative answers from students. Here are some actual answers turned in by high schoolers:

*Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Sounds like this kid is getting a leg-up on alcoholism.

*When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
And when you bring your report card home, you perspire.

*A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Riiiight...and a 58% is a "high" F, so it must be a gooder grade.

*The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is so that there is something to hitch the meat to.
Obviously, your brain wasn't able to hitch onto your skull.

*To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
You'll also get screams of pure agony. Just don't burn his bible.

*The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
And for some reason, it smells like poop there.

*The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends toward the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
The sun stays out of it, as the sun abhors violence.

*Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
You must've gone through the moroninate process.

*A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
And a maggot is what you use to stick your kid's drawings up on your refrigerator.

*Some people say we condescended from the apes.
And those people also say, "Would you like fries wit 'does?"

*As the rain forests in the Amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.
I think it's just the cold water - it makes everything shrink.

*Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
You can tell this kid was at least half-way paying attention in class.

*Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
I'm not touching this one, as I am Catholic. You think of your own religious/political/moral joke on this one.

*Q: How is eye color etc. passed on to the next generation?
A: The jeans (not Levis).
So, Wranglers then?

*Q: [On digestion] What is the reaction between acids and antacids called?
A: Relief
No, that's the reaction of your parents when you finally move out of the house.

*Men are mammals and women are femammals.
So why don't men get mammalgrams?

And finally...

*Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein