Move over X-Men. It's Scientologists to the Rescue!

Up in the sky...
It's a bird!
It's a plane!

It's... Tom Cruise with super powers?

Awhile ago, I did a post on Scientology. It can be found HERE. Many will think I'm just picking on the religion of Scientology again, but geez...they make it just too easy. Personally, they're begging for it. And as always, The Phoenix will deliver.

Scientology uses a series of sessions in order to help people overcome their emotional/psychological problems. And as I mentioned, if you got the cash, you can take all the classes necessary in order to get to higher levels. Apparently, Scientology is about to unleash a bunch of mutants onto the rest of the world, and no - it's not the X-Men either.

Several Scientologists that have been training in the art of "Super Power."

What is Super Power?

Based on the teachings of Ron L. Hubbard, they have trained themselves to have a hightened sense of sight, taste, hearing, smell, and touch...and of course intuition. (Xenu would've killed for these powers).

Matt Feshbach, a Florida millionare Scientologist, has revealed that he has Super Powers. After training in Los Angeles, and donating millions to the Super Power building fund, Feshbach says not only does he have incredible and uncanny powers, but he's already saved one life with them.

At the LAX airport, some little boy ran out into the middle of the street. By using his newly acquired Super Powers, he perceived that a truck was on a collision course with the hyperactive child. Feshbach yelled at the boy, and was less than an inch away from being struck by the speeding vehicle. He attributes his higher senses, since no one else at the crosswalk knew about the oncoming truck.

So how does one train to get such powers?

The training course uses machines and other technologies to exerceise its memebers' perception abilities. Two of the machines have been identified as being an antigravity simulator and a gyroscope machine. I guess motionsickness and nausea are side-effects of this Super Power training.

Whatever the machines are, you just know each training session is gonna be super expensive. I know a cheaper way to enhance your perception abilities: LSD.

Up until now, even most church members were kept in the dark about this training. Even church officials have been quite hush-hush about it. Church spokesman Ben Shaw provided a written statement: "Super Power is a series of spiritual counseling processes designed to give a person back his own viewpoint, increase his perception, exercise his power of choice, and greatly enhance other spiritual abilities."

I wonder if you can train in order to dull the senses. That could come in handy while changing a diaper, when a Britney Spears song comes on the radio, or when some really overweight, middle-aged, and sun dried woman cuts in line ahead of me at Wal-Mart.

Shaw said that 300 Scientologists are now fully trained in the Jedi Arts, uh...I mean Super Power program. Maybe they'll wear cool superhero costumes like the X-men. Thank God Kristie Alley lost all that weight. She'll look quite svelte in a black jumpsuit as she perceives where all the pizza parlors are and warn overweight citizens to avoid them.

Question: you think Tom Cruise can perceive his movie MiIII's crashing ticket sales?