What's Next? Bell-less Dumbs?

Are you wanting to get in shape, but are discouraged by your lack of coordination? You know that jumping rope is one of the best exercises out there, but you keep tripping over that stupid rope? Well, my clumsy bafoon, have we got the solution to your problem. May I present:

The ropeless jump-rope.

What is it and how does it work?

Lester Clancy, of Mansfield Ohio, has invented a cordless jump-rope for those that are just too clumsy for the real thing. How many times has that annoying rope gotten in the way of a good jump-rope workout for goodnessakes? Well, U.S. Patent 7037243 is going to make jumping rope fun again. Goodbye pesky rope!

The contraption looks like two doughnuts with handles. They look more like fancy maracas then a revolutionary excersie apparatus. Inside each ring, there are weighted balls that go round and round as you simulate the movement of jumping rope.

Brilliant!

Clancy is still looking for financial backers, as he's only been able to afford to build just one cordless jump-rope handle. However, I don't think it'll take long to find someone willing to pump money into this incredible invention. Think about the need for such a gadget! You can still get a great cardio workout without all the fuss. Clancy believes his invention would also be great for those in mental institutions or prisons where ropes are banned due to suicide risk.

Double Dutch brilliant!

Clancy should know about the needs of inmates, as he is the laundry coordinator at a state prison. Low ceiling fans or crowded prison cells shouldn't be an excuse to not get your jump-roping workout. The cordless jump-rope is a savior.

Mike Ernst, a professor of kinesiology at California State University in Dominguez Hills commented, "I think it's silly but at the same time if somehow, some way it promotes physical activity, gets kids active, then I'm all for it." But he goes on to say, "But I wouldn't buy the product, I can tell you that. I'm not an idiot."

But I'm the idiot that would! I love the idea of a ropeless jump-rope. Although as far as using them in mental institutions, many of the patients are already quite proficient in imagining things, which I assume includes imagining to jump rope.

And as far as using them in prisons...I'm thinking an inmate could take advantage of the weighted balls inside to increase momentum and break someone's skull with the ropeless jump-rope handles. So I'm not to sure about the whole "marketing to prisons" thing. Anyone else remember all the prison violence utilizing the ab-blaster and thigh master?

Finally, if it's jump rope without the rope...shouldn't it just be called a "jump?"