The 2007 Darwin Awards
Another year, another set of Darwin Award nominees. What are the Darwin Awards? I guess you could say that those who lose their lives due to their own stupidity are given some recognition for strengthening the gene pool.Sounds pretty mean, doesn't it.
I guess in one sense, it is. These people lost their lives, afterall. But from an objective perspective, the more idiots that rid themselves from the genetic pool, the stronger our species will be. So it's not so glum. It's for the best, really.
If you're interested, you can see my posts covering the 2006 Darwins and the 2005 Awards.
Don't Lose Your Head
In Guadalajara, Mexico, Jessica was working out at a hotel's gym. The 24 year old suddenly remembered that she needed something from the floor directly below. No one can figure out why she decided to use the industrial elevator shaft to yell at the people one floor down. She stuck her head into the shaft, and somehow managed to not notice the elevator coming straight up towards her. The lift was transporting a heap of scrap metal to a floor above, and it very easily decapitated the young lady.
I'm not a genius, nor do I have Chuck Norris-like abilities...but I think I would notice an elevator coming towards me from below.
Addicted to Enemas58 year-old Michael, from Texas, was addicted to two things - alcohol and enemas. And he loved to combine the two. Michael had some sort of painful throat condition, so he wasn't able to get drunk like normal alcoholics.
One night, Michael decided to pour 100 fluid ounces of sherry up his ass. He got drunk as a skunk, and was found dead the next morning. Toxicology reports put his blood alcohol level at 0.47%. To think he died by shoving THREE LITERS of wine up his arse is actually pretty impressive. Moronic, but impressive.
Not So Safe Sex
In South Carolina, a cab driver found the naked bodies of a 20-something couple on the road. Although they were just barely alive, they died without regaining consciousness at the hospital. Police were completely at a loss. There was no sign of foul play, no abandoned vehicles, or
anything.After further investigation, they found the couples' clothes on a pyramid-shaped roof overlooking the street. It was evident that the couple was in the middle of having sex, and something called gravity took over.
Here's the punchline...one of the deceased's last name is TUMBLESTON.
Labels: Darwin Awards
posted by The Phoenix
at
12:00 AM
43 Comments:
Hi,
You have a very cool blog here…loved the content.
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I have to agree that these folks did our species a great favor.
How dare gravity get in the way of their rooftop fun?
The sherry though... now that's impressive.
Isn't it nice of these people to do stupid stuff to entertain us?
Happy New Year!
Am I warped because I found those awards EXTREMELY entertaining???
Yeah, I guess I am.
I can live with that.
Yep,these people really deserve such an award.
Happy New Year!!!
Sometimes I think the gene pool could use a little more chlorine
;-)
As always, very deserving winners.
WOO HOO! I've gon another year without making the darwin awards.
p.s. I like the Pyramid sex though... if I ever do make the awards, hopefuly is will because I'm getting it on in a very stupid place.
Safe sex..that is funny!
Regrets. Phoenix: Do to previous obligation we will not be able to attend your wine tasting party.
Addicted to enemas has my vote.
That last one reminds me of the old line: The worst part of sex on TV is the danger of falling off.
-- david
Addicted to Enemas? that's just nasty!
Hope 08 has started off well for ya, playing any tennis?
I struggled though "Shoot 'Em Up" last night, where Clive Owen and Monica Belucci had sex in the midst of a shootout. Belucci finished, but neither died.
Only in movies, I guess. :)
Yug...more scary facts. One can get drunk by shoving alcohol up their arse. I wonder if the autopsy mentions exactly what happened when the method of alcohol poisoning is so unusual.
hopefully these incidents happened before any of them had a chance to reproduce!
Happy New Year!
So undignified.
I can't help but feel badly for their loved ones - this is no way to be remembered.
And do you think anyone will learn from these mind-boggling mistakes? It seems that every year, the list of nominees is just as long.
I've read about the alcohol enema before. People like to do it because it's a quicker drunk and you don't suffer from some of the effects of consuming the alcohol. (Getting sick and throwing up....etc.)
Gross.
"alcohol and enemas"
dang! and all I had was a lousy V-8!
Oh MY, it's good to know there are a LOT of people in the world way stupider than me.
:-)
I'm still perplexed that that lady didn't notice the elevator coming up since she was apparantly yelling DOWN to the floor below.
Maybe she was legally blind and deaf??!!!
Oy, that enema one sounds... painful. I guess if the alcohol is strong enough it just numbs your bum right up?
Bum numbing... ha!
hOLY $#@7! How can anyone be so dumb?? And to think there are SO MANY of them out there walking around....skeery!
Hahaha I will never get over how ridiculously some people die. I wonder if these people were known as dumbasses in life too or if they were just lacking at the time of their death.
This has got to be my favorite feature of your blog. I look forward to it every year :)
Don't Lose Your Head had my vote followed by Not So Safe Sex, things must have been quite passionate up on that roof to get so carried away....
Of course, for it to be a worthwhile award, they need to have left NO progeny behind.
And by the looks of things, there's progeny EVERYWHERE!
Gah.
Eeep! I just read these first two with my jaw dropped in surprise at such stupid people.
I especially like the image you found for the "decapitated lady" story. :-)
love meagan
Such a happy post today, Phoen! ;) CRAZY!
Great stuff. I' ve heard of getting drunk off your ass, but never in it.
These are interesting. Thanks for sharing!
Watch the Aussie Open?? Sharapova was TOUGH
Phoenix - Where you at buddy? I've been missing your posts a lot! It's almost been a full month since you have last posted!
Come back to us! :-)
Is everything all right with you? It's been so long since you've posted or created a podcast. I miss you and hope all is well.
Helllllloooooo?
Anybody home?????
I just found out recently that a film was made called "The Darwin Awards" starring Wynona Ryder and Joseph Finnes, among others. The plot: A forensic detective (Fiennes) and an insurance claims investigator (Ryder) trek to investigate a potential Darwin Award winner. From www.darwinawards.com: "The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways."
Check it out, looks like it was straight to DVD in the US: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0428446/
(BTW, miss you!!)
Miss you, man...hope everything is okay!
Phoenix,
Where's the hell is Keshi?
Your lover.
Hey brother, wishing you well, hope all is good. You were one of the first bloggers I met and you have always been alot of fun. Peace
Hope everything is OK phoenix!
Now this is news! I am so sick of hearing about the NY gov! I want more of this stuff! Am I crazy? Oh well!
Still ignoring us, huh?
You booger...;)
Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're OK.
Woe is us due to your extended absence. I hope that you are feeling all right and that the cause is apathy or lack of time, not your health.
Am joining in the "Where's Phoenix?" search.
Hope all is well.
Come back. We miss you!!
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